if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
