i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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