i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
