I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His nipple licking is glorious
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