Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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