I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
