I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
