I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
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