This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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