Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
