I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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