Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
