Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
