Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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