I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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