hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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