I need help removing her.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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