Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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