i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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