i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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