am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
