I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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