i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
