He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
