I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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