I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Randomize
