this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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