The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
