A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
