i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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