Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
