My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
