Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I want to fling myself into the sun
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
