it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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