How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
