this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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