We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize