apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
