Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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