I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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