great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
