I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
