Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
