what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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