We named our party play list daddy issues
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
