R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
