Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
