I wish my penis had an off switch
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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