You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
