Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
