some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Randomize
