My nipple is on Facebook.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
