Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
